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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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The meeting is a total circus. My coworkers are arguing about budgets, and I’m just sitting there, trying to keep my cool. I mean, it’s just numbers, right? But the tension is thick. I’m about to lose it. I take a deep breath and crack a joke. Everyone stops and stares. Then, they start laughing. Phew! Saved by humor!

Trump Mar-a-Lago intruder Yujing Zhang ordered back to China